Thoughts On The #HurtBae Video
Shout out to the good folks over at "The Scene" for this video featuring the young lady who has become affectionately known as "#HurtBae", the latest viral thinkpiece to hit the twitterwebs.
I tweeted some of these thoughts earlier and figured I'd just put them in an easy to read blog on the site without the restrictions of 140 characters.
One of the first things people say when it comes to matters of infidelity is, "If you feel you want to cheat, why not leave?" Listen, you are rarely going to find someone who leaves when they want to cheat. Thats a fairytale that sounds good. That IS the reason why cheating exists. People don't leave when they cheat for the same reasons people stay when they find out the've been cheated on.
Viewers are calling for the guy's head because he wasn't as emotional as #HurtBae was. Well good people, thats not even how that shit works. Why would he be hurt? He's the offending party. He's already checked out. You want to know that he still cares? What difference does it make? Or is it that you want him to suffer emotionally because she is sufferent emotionally. He'll get his just due. You don't have to see it coming down his eyes for that to happen. All his grieving has been compartmentalized. In my experience, men have been a lot better at compartmentalizing than women. Although it seems women are expected to do so more often. (That is another topic for another day.)
Some of the commotion revolves around how emotionless the guy is in the video when answering her questions. The reason he was able to answer #HurtBae's questions the way he did is because he's already had time to come to terms with his offense. It's probably still as soft a wound on her feelings as the day she found out he was two-timing her. ( I like vintage phrases like two-time) Women often do this thing when leaving a relationship where they sort of "checkout" while still with the person. They go through the grieving and hurt process while their mate is non the wiser. One day she'll decide she's well to move on and simply leaves with all of her faculties intact. The poor soul of a mate is left hurt as he hasn't had the time to she has to grieve. It's fresh to him. It's my theory that this situation isn't that much different.
While I'm sure their feelings for one another were once on the same level, she's definitely the one that has the bigger emotional investment at this point. Regardless of his emotion or lack there of, In the end, he answered all of her questions in a clear and concise manner. Ask any woman, that sort of thing from a man is generally not the easy thing to come by.